I like the one or two lined quotes people pass around the internet with either the blank or pretty nature scene backgrounds. They pack little life reminders that act like a small jolt of common sense energy needed to awaken your brain cells and get your spirit back in line when you’ve been feeling off. One of my favorite ones to quote to myself lately is “if it excites you and scares you at the same time, it is the thing you should be doing next.” This quote can be applied to every aspect of my life from career and education goals to reinventing my style and choosing new hobbies because every new idea I think up is done with so much passion that I often scare myself stiff.
Most of the time we sit back and take no steps towards achieving things we dream for ourselves because we are held captive by the fears and anxiety associated with tackling the unknown. Blind faith is like walking in an open field and then blindfolding yourself when you get there. You have to cross this field and you know there isn’t much surrounding you that could harm you on your way because you checked before covering your eyes but you choose to stand in the same spot anyway brimming with doubt. You choose safety over growth. Well, what if I reminded you—while reminding myself— that the only way you’ll find out if the alleged dangers are real or imaginary is to start making moves? Would you do it? What if I reminded us that the crutches we rely so heavily upon keeps us uncomfortably immobile or slows us down so much that we might as well not move at all. Would you let them go and move on?
Recently I did something that I haven’t done in a few years but have gone back and forth with myself about doing for about a month: I shaved my hair off. I’ve grown my hair out to a beautiful, full curly fro’ since my last cut three years ago but cutting it now is something that needed to be done as I am a firm believer in the release of stored, negative energy through the shaving off of ones hair.
2016 was a very emotionally draining time for me: I lost my apartment, lost some friendships, almost lost my job due to department downsizing and even lost a relationship with a lover that reaffirmed for me that “twin flames” ideology is real. While attempting to be human and clean up the mess left by the Universe during the massive “spring cleaning” thrown at me, the uprooted clutter, or negative energy, spilled over into the beginning of 2017 causing everything to become so out of whack that I ultimately lost myself and misplaced my spiritual faith in the process.
Luckily for me (not really), we humans have the gift of needing to over compensate for our losses and just like others, I did so through actively meeting new people. Those with whom I met were charming, welcomed distractions but their time in my life was very brief when it became obvious that they were too emotionally unavailable and unstable to continue to pacify my internal tantrums. Not that they signed up for the job or was aware they were doing it anyway, but, I digress. While in the getting to know you stages, they provided some much-needed relief from whatever pains I tried to bury or eliminate: It felt good to laugh and drink and discuss life and dance and kiss and cuddle the hurts away ah la Solanges’ “cranes in the Sky” with them but when the music stopped and the inbox remained empty and the call log no longer reflected new conversations, what then? Each left when the Universe deemed their time was up—with or without protest from me— and left behind unwanted energy and frustration that sat high on top of the pile of spiritual junk I previously swept under rug.
So I’m sure you’re now asking yourself how does all of that tie into me shaving my head? Well, while frantically searching for the reset-it-all button, a small internal voice reminded me of the courage,strength and freedom I felt the first time I shaved my head. I loved the feeling I experienced every time the wind blew and tickled my scalp as I walked around with my head bare because nature is dope and who doesn’t love dope things? Learning to love myself as is without “hiding” behind the stress of my hair or the need to be seen as acceptable in the eyes of another aided in the growth of my spirituality and self-esteem. Both grew like unkempt grass because I was forced to connect with familiar and unfamiliar parts of myself that I both loved and hated on my terms, in my own time. These were feelings and moments in time that I needed to reclaim while letting go of the people and things that no longer served me and the days leading up to shaving my head did just that. Oh, trust me when I say that I was filled with anxiety and nervousness and had to talk myself into cutting it the same way I did years ago but as I mentioned above, if it scares and excites you, it’s what needs to be done next and when it was time, I grabbed the scissors and made each cut with a huge smile on my face.
I’m excited to continue forward into the next chapters of my life with all of the lessons I received between 2016 and 2017 and look forward to doing all of the things that will initially scare me (skydiving, maybe?) but will be so rewarding in the end that I’ll laugh and give thanks for the strength to just let it go while rocking a cute new ‘do.